Michael J. Swart

January 1, 2009

Browse Articles By Illustration

Filed under: — Michael J. Swart @ 12:00 pm
The Tyranny Of Cumulative Costs (Save and Forget Build Up)
Oct 06, 2022
Caption: 50% of the triangle's area is on the right 30%
When are Non-Updating Updates Treated Like Regular Updates?
Sep 28, 2022
Caption: The Update does not exist
Batching Follow-Up
Sep 21, 2022
Caption: Make your own batches!
The Effect of a Slow Registry on SQL Server
Sep 14, 2022
Caption: When the registry is slooooow
This Function Generates UNPIVOT Syntax
Sep 07, 2022
Caption: Caption
Collect Wait Stats Regularly in Order To Report On Them Over Time
Jan 08, 2021
Caption: Collecting and plotting stats
Detect Excessive Spinlock Contention on SQL Server
Oct 28, 2020
Caption: XVB_LIST Spinlock Contention
In Memory OLTP Defeated Our Tempdb Problems
Oct 23, 2020
Caption: In Memory avoids tempdb
Maximum Simultaneous User Connections
Oct 16, 2020
Caption: 32,767 Connections
Problem Solving by Cheating
Jun 19, 2020
Caption: Sometimes life just isn't fair
Cross Database Transactions on One Server
May 15, 2020
Caption: ✌ 1 ☝
Finding Tables With Few Dependencies
Apr 03, 2019
Caption: A monolith with some smaller isolated satellites
Uncovering Hidden Complexity
Oct 26, 2018
Caption: Complex Results
The Bare Minimum You Need To Know To Work With Git
Jul 09, 2018
Caption: Once you commit a change in git it's so hard to undo ... just like SQL!
Shifting Gears in 2018
Jul 03, 2018
Caption: Shifting Gears
T-SQL Options for Comparing “Distinctness”
Mar 26, 2018
Caption: Am I right in thinking that NULL is not equal to anything?
Lonely tables in SQL Server
Mar 12, 2018
Caption: Focus on the tables that spark joy
100 Percent Online Deployments: Keep Changes OLTP-Friendly
Jan 12, 2018
Caption: But if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need.
100 Percent Online Deployments: Blue-Green Deployment
Jan 08, 2018
Caption: About to switch blue for green. What could go wrong?
100% Online Deployments
Jan 05, 2018
Caption: Dev Vader Confronts DBA Calrissian
Postponing Our Use of In Memory OLTP
Nov 10, 2017
Caption: In Memory OLTP
Problem With Too Many version_ghost_records
Aug 02, 2017
Caption: I should have called this guy
SQL Server UPSERT Patterns and Antipatterns
Jul 20, 2017
Caption: Trickier than it should be
10 Things I Learned While Working At D2L
Jul 16, 2017
Caption: lego recognition
A Table Of Contents For the Data Industry
May 24, 2017
Caption: Porcellino approves of the O'Reilly cover
Drawing (again) with SQL Server
May 05, 2017
Caption: Spatial results
Find Your Dark Queries
Apr 18, 2017
Caption: If you only knew the performance of the dark side
Case study: Troubleshooting Doomed Transactions
Jan 16, 2017
Caption: We're doomed!
That Time We Fixed Prod Without Admin Credentials
Dec 22, 2016
Caption: The grinch had warded off downtime at least!
I’m Sharing Some Cool Art Prints
Nov 22, 2016
Caption: Her Highnessness
I’m Trying To Kick My “Undo Button” Habit
Nov 08, 2016
Caption: Undo is just step 1 of redo
My 2016
Oct 26, 2016
Caption: Samurai
Build Your Own Tools
Sep 23, 2016
Caption: Service Broker Setup
Simplified Order Of Operations
Jul 20, 2016
Caption: Is it always "or"? Is it never "and"
T-SQL Tuesday #079: It’s 2016!
Jun 06, 2016
Caption: Write about thenew version of SQL Server
You Can’t Force Query Plans If They Use TVPs With PKs
Apr 27, 2016
Caption: On the other hand
Tackle WRITELOG Waits Using the Transaction Log and Extended Events
Apr 11, 2016
Caption: When WRITELOG waits get too big, it needs to be tackled
Microsoft Dropped the Cover Charge on SQL Server
Apr 01, 2016
Caption: Come on in
Look at Blocked Process Reports Collected With Extended Events
Feb 25, 2016
Caption: The Blocked Process Report Viewer now looks at extended events!
Ugly Pragmatism For The Win
Feb 11, 2016
Caption: Just do it! Make your SQL concurrency dreams come true!
You’re Probably Taking Sort Order For Granted Somewhere
Feb 03, 2016
Caption: Reverse your indexes to expose application assumptions about the order of result sets
Sneaky Non-Determinism in Column Defaults
Jan 27, 2016
Caption: Pretty sneaky SQL Server
Cursor Statistics Are Missing in dm_exec_query_stats
Jan 20, 2016
Caption: SQL cursors are so fetch!
My Work Autobiography
Jan 13, 2016
Caption: ... And now 2016! I'm very happy about that
Some Changes for 2016
Jan 06, 2016
Caption: A new blog post every Wednesday!
Troubleshooting Tempdb, a Case Study
Sep 15, 2015
Caption: ... Man, this is going to add like three hours to the movie
Avoid Frequent use of TVPs With Wide Rows
Aug 31, 2015
Caption: ... I left about 50 cause I don't know how much you want to write
What's Going On Inside Tempdb?
Aug 12, 2015
Caption: Gandalf looks through tempdb's transaction log
Types of Performance Metrics
Aug 05, 2015
Caption: Sauron gets an alert about the ring
How to Create Indexed Views Online
Jun 24, 2015
Caption: Some more duct tape should do the trick I guess
It's Hard To Destroy Data
May 20, 2015
Caption: Destroying data can be tricky
Some Tweets I Drew
Apr 01, 2015
Caption: M. C. Escher's woodcuts often feature impossible objects. Linked servers almost qualify.
Some Tweets I Drew
Apr 01, 2015
Caption: A RIGHT JOIN is like going through the McDonald's drive-thru backwards
Some Tweets I Drew
Apr 01, 2015
Caption: Running Enterprise Edition on 8GB of RAM is like the Stig driving Power Wheels
When Parameter Sniffing Caused Deadlocks
Feb 26, 2015
Caption: Parameter sniffing is normally a good thing
Designing Indexed Views for OLTP Workloads
Jan 23, 2015
Caption: Indexed views are like snowflakes, no two are quite the same
Obvious and Not-So-Obvious Writing Tips
Dec 12, 2014
Caption: Ted Codd still hates that thing you just did
Developers, Ready for a New SQL Server Version?
Nov 20, 2014
Caption: Ready? Are you sure?
Watch Out for Misleading Behaviour From SQL Server
Oct 03, 2014
Caption: Not from a jedi.
SQL Server Ignores Trailing Spaces In Identifiers
Sep 18, 2014
Caption: Standards are like a smorgasbord, implement only the ones you feel like
Take Care When Scripting Batches
Sep 09, 2014
Caption: They're very nice, but I asked "Where are your batches?"
Enabling the New Cardinality Estimator in SQL Server 2014
May 22, 2014
Caption: Um, No, I don't want a peanut. But I'll check with the others.
I'm Going To Help You Become A Better Writer
May 08, 2014
Caption: Use the Force, Luke. And maybe the spell checker.
Implementing the Recycle Bin Pattern In SQL
Apr 11, 2014
Caption: A Recycle Bin
I Don't Mind SELECT * Sometimes
Mar 10, 2014
Caption: Support Select *
T-SQL Tuesday #052: Argue Against A Popular Opinion
Mar 03, 2014
Caption: I grow impatient with this rollback. Reboot the server.
Generating Concurrent Activity
Jan 23, 2014
Caption: But many workers don't always work well together
SQL Simplicity Methods
Jan 09, 2014
Caption: Keep it simple SQL Server
“Make Sure That You Really Love Doing It”
Dec 10, 2013
Caption: "Just please make sure that you really love doing it. Because that will get you through the hard times. And the good times."
Hashing for Indexes
Nov 22, 2013
Caption: Who has two thumbs and doesn't worry about hash collisions?
“You’ve got access, but I’m not sure why”
Oct 30, 2013
Caption: It's an older login sir, but it checks out
My Queries For Top 20 Resource Hogs
Sep 19, 2013
Caption: After a while, everything could use a refresh
Three More Tricky Tempdb Lessons
Sep 11, 2013
Caption: Hello Jerry. Hello Tempdb
A Tuning Technique For Parallel Queries
Aug 15, 2013
Caption: ... but it may be tricky to understand exactly how.
Lessons From Sherlock Holmes
Jul 29, 2013
Caption: An outside eye, a second opinion. It's very useful to me. Really!
It Took Me Ages To Figure This One Out: A Puzzle
Jul 03, 2013
Caption: Too easy!
Swart’s Ten Percent Rule
May 28, 2013
Caption: Success: Ninety percent hard work, ten percent coffee
The Sch-M lock is Evil
Apr 17, 2013
Caption: That guy over there won't share the table with anybody...
Altering Text Columns: Only a Metadata Change?
Apr 03, 2013
Caption: I defined a column as CHAR(MAX) and immediately ran out of space everywhere
Splitting Time Between Hobbies
Apr 03, 2013
Checking Out Amazon Redshift
Mar 19, 2013
Caption: Very well Data, open a channel
Follow up on Ad Hoc TVP contention
Feb 28, 2013
Caption: Just one more thing...
Some Failed Blog Topics
Feb 08, 2013
Caption: Take the clustered scan from the query plan and put it in the tan van
PAGELATCH_EX Contention on 2:1:103
Jan 22, 2013
Caption: An important troubleshooting tip:
Joins are Commutative and SQL Server Knows it
Jan 11, 2013
Caption: Quit your fussin
A Grade School Data Project
Dec 18, 2012
Caption: That's my kid!
Triggers On Views? What For?
Oct 31, 2012
Caption: Sad Frankenstein's monster is sad. Patchwork creations deserve love too.
You Can “Do Science” Anywhere
Oct 11, 2012
Caption: Science Rules!
My Short Struggle With SQL Agent
Sep 27, 2012
Caption: Tell me Mr. Anderson, do you want to run as the SQL Agent Service account?
A Quick SQL Challenge
Sep 26, 2012
Caption: A quick puzzle
Some Announcements
Sep 21, 2012
Caption: Hey Michael, What's up?
When I Use Nested Joins
Sep 12, 2012
Caption: "Your country wants YOU to use fewer left joins"
Sharpshooting Query Plans From The Cache
Aug 28, 2012
Caption: "Only Imperial Stormtroopers are so precise."
Avoiding Problems
Aug 10, 2012
Caption: If you come back later, this cow will still be here.
Data Modelling: Composite Relationships
Jul 26, 2012
Caption: I can store your music but I can only guarantee the integrity of the data
T-SQL Tuesday #32 – A Day in the Life
Jul 17, 2012
Caption: My databases ran like clockwork once. There were no pages. Inbox zero. Why couldn't I get that day over and over?
Developing on the Right Side of the Brain
Jul 12, 2012
Caption: I'm sometimes guilty of using ten percent of my brain
I’m Sharing My Story at SQL Brit’s Site
Jun 13, 2012
Caption: The Last Starfighter: An accidental DBA (Death Blossom Administrator)
Visualizing Transaction Isolations For SQL Server
Jun 13, 2012
Caption: Locks taken by SQL Server for the standard isolation levels
MERGE Statement Generator
May 30, 2012
Caption: Merge quickly!
The View of Foreign Keys That I Wanted
May 23, 2012
Caption: A nice view of Key Largo
Lessons From Geordi La Forge
May 14, 2012
Caption: WWGLFD?
Modifying Tables Online – Part 5: Just One More Thing
Apr 27, 2012
Caption: Just one more thing ...
Modifying Tables Online – Part 1: Migration Strategy
Apr 16, 2012
Caption: This is how I feel when I'm running the sp_rename step
Sending Query Results to Others
Mar 28, 2012
Caption: Show me the data!
SQL Server 2012 Launches Today
Mar 07, 2012
Caption: Ceci n'est pas un lancement.
I Was Kidding Myself
Feb 27, 2012
Caption: Vizzini: War Starter, Shorty/Meanie, Dizzying Intellect, Not Immune To Iocane Powder
Careful Hashing
Feb 15, 2012
Caption: Careful when converting strings
Microsoft Model Databases: Some Unconventional Alternatives?
Feb 09, 2012
Caption: Putting your best foot forward
Removing Duplicate Dimension Rows in SSIS
Feb 02, 2012
Caption: Filter Everything But The First Row
Rebuild Your Indexes Online (When You Can)
Jan 25, 2012
Caption: We can rebuild it online... We have the technology.
My favourite search terms
Jan 18, 2012
Caption: Oh! You've come to the right place my boy!
Then, Now and Later
Jan 04, 2012
Caption: Marty McFly ... also looking forward to the future
Write Better
Dec 20, 2011
Caption: I hope to one day write a hundredth as well as Mark Twain.
CXPACKET? What's That? And What's Next?
Dec 08, 2011
Caption: "Many hands make light work?" or "Too many cooks spoil the brothe?"
SQL Fingertips
Nov 29, 2011
Caption: My favourite fingertip.
Be Quick About Reading The Data You Asked For
Nov 16, 2011
Caption: These two don't yield; They're on a mission.
Insights into "Timeout Expired"
Nov 06, 2011
Caption: A timeout always represents server unresponsiveness from the client's point of view
Where Are Your Popular Joins?
Oct 26, 2011
Caption: "Join me ..."
Secret Santa as a Puzzle
Oct 19, 2011
Caption: Fun tip: The MVP Deep Dives (Vol 2.) is under the spending limit!
Power View Demo Good, Not Great
Oct 13, 2011
Caption: "No data was harmed in the preparation of this demo" ~Amir Netz
Missing the PASS Summit
Oct 11, 2011
Caption: You shall not go to PASS!!!
A Program to Find INSERT Statements That Don't Specify Columns
Sep 21, 2011
Caption: Name those columns!
Artificial Intelligence versus SQL Server Help
Sep 21, 2011
Caption: "I am putting myself to the fullest possible use, ..."
Mythbusting: Concurrent Update/Insert Solutions
Sep 08, 2011
Caption: Don't try this at home! We're what you call experts!
ACID Properties By Example (And Counterexample) Part Four: Durable
Aug 23, 2011
Caption: Recently, I learned that Richard Harris sang 'MacArthur Park'...
ACID Properties By Example (And Counterexample) Part Three: Consistent
Aug 10, 2011
Caption: Never show them your work in progress
ACID Properties By Example (And Counterexample) Part Two: Consistent
Aug 03, 2011
Caption: "'C' is for cookie. That's good enough for me." ~Cookie Monster
ACID Properties By Example (And Counterexample) Part One: Atomic
Jul 27, 2011
Caption: It's interesting: For most people, the word atomic only refers to a process where atoms are split.
ACID Properties By Example (And Counterexample) Part Zero
Jul 20, 2011
Caption: It's interesting: Some ACID properties are basic!
Make Your Life Easier With Fun Denali Tricks
Jul 06, 2011
Caption: Easy as pie!
Poking Around Inside Management Studio
Jun 29, 2011
Caption: Paying attention to the man behind the curtain!
Midyear Resolutions
Jun 22, 2011
Caption: s/hobbit/ewok
Enforcing Business Rules Vs. Avoiding Triggers: Which Is Better?
Jun 15, 2011
Caption: Ladies! Please! One at a time!
Forget About PIVOT, You Don’t Need It
Jun 08, 2011
Caption: Be Honest, you can't remember the syntax either!
A Round-up of Round-ups and other Meta Things
Jun 01, 2011
Caption: Metadata!
Another Advantage of Consultants
May 25, 2011
Caption: When we built Jurassic Park we spared no expense!
Okay, You’ve Found Blocking, Now What?
May 18, 2011
Caption: Aaaawww yeaaah! Michael's BPR Viewer is the only way I find lead blockers!
When To Use Blocked Processes Reports
May 04, 2011
Caption: When am I supposed to use the Blocked Process Report Viewer?!
Woo Hoo... Microsoft Certification Exam 70-451
Apr 27, 2011
Caption: I have my moments... I recognize them when I can
A New Way to Examine Blocked Process Reports
Apr 20, 2011
Caption: There's a new way to look at blocked processes!
Whew… Microsoft Certification Exam 70-433
Apr 13, 2011
Caption: There's good odds that this guy does better than me on section 5!
Data Modelling: My Favourite Example
Apr 06, 2011
Caption: New sport! Synchronized bulk loading
Something Light-hearted.
Mar 30, 2011
Caption: I get that a lot, I'm not the Resource Governor, I'm a Colonel, I don't throttle run-away queries... just chickens
Something Light-hearted.
Mar 30, 2011
Caption: PASS has lined up a new performer for the 2011 summit.
Something Light-hearted.
Mar 30, 2011
Caption: That day she was amazed to discover that when he was saying "It depends" what he meant was "I love you"
Last Word On Scans
Mar 23, 2011
Caption: Sorting out execution plan scans, seeks and lookups
What Does Microsoft Mean By Scans?
Mar 16, 2011
Caption: You keep using that word
The Aggregate Function PRODUCT()
Mar 07, 2011
Caption: Get excited about T-SQL's new PRODUCT!
Mandelbrot Revisited.
Mar 02, 2011
Caption: I know, I know, I don't like re-runs either.
How Full is Fill Factor 100?
Feb 23, 2011
Caption: I did save room for dessert! Thanks for asking!
Searching Inside Strings: CPU is Eight Times Worse For Unicode Strings
Feb 16, 2011
Caption: One more trick for my mental utility belt!
Pinal Dave: Blogger, MVP and now Interviewee
Feb 09, 2011
Caption: "These blog entries are truly my journey ... This journey is truly remarkable, that's why I continue to walk on it ~Pinal Dave
Ridiculously Unnormalized Database Schemas – Part Three
Feb 02, 2011
Caption: This is the cow ... that jack built
Ridiculously Unnormalized Database Schemas – Part Two
Jan 26, 2011
Caption: Get rid of redundant Data!
Ridiculously Unnormalized Database Schemas – Part One
Jan 19, 2011
Caption: Ted Codd hates that thing you just did!
Ridiculously Unnormalized Database Schemas – Part Zero
Jan 12, 2011
Caption: The brain: Full of information, but normal ones are extremely rare!
My 2011 Resolution
Jan 11, 2011
Caption: Michael J. Swart resolves to be less introspective.
Why Michael J Swart won’t be at the PASS Summit this year.
Nov 07, 2010
Caption: Huh! I expected more people here.
DBA humour
Oct 05, 2010
Caption: Data (Bass)

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